Q&A: Raga-marga and family life - Do the two go together?

Q: Do raga-marga and family life go together? It seems to me that there is much emphasis on renunciation, and I can practically see, as a householder, that especially with children it is often hard to focus on wholesome sadhana.

A: This question may certainly awaken as one reflects on the long traditions of vairagi-mahatmas in Vraja, and as one then comes across sayings in the scriptures that emphasize renunciation and seem averse to family life.

In addressing this, let us first establish the foundation: The nature of bhakti. How many times has devotion been described as apratihata (unobstructed) and avyavahita (uninterrupted), and how many times has the supreme independence of devotion been glorified? Can devotion, then, be dependent on external circumstances? Has it not been said, jIvanti san-mukharitAM bhavadIya-vArtAm sthAne sthitAH (BhP 10.14.3): "Staying in your place, filling your life with narrations of the Lord heard from the saints' mouths..."

Devotion cannot, therefore, be in a subordinate position to one's external position in life: Rather, it will reign supreme in any situation of life.

One is shackled to this world by the family and the children only as long as love for Krishna has not awakened:

tAvad rAgAdayaH stenAs tAvat kArA-gRhaM gRham |
tAvan moho ’Gghri-nigaDo yAvat kRSNa na te janAH || bhp 10.14.36

"O Krishna! As long as people do not become your devotees, so long do attachments and so forth remain thieves, so long is one's home a prison cell, and so long is one shackled by illusion at the family's feet."

Visvanatha Cakravartipada offers an illuminating commentary on this verse, consisting of a lengthy response to the objection that some renunciates may present, suggesting that the residents of Vraja are but ordinary householders, bound by a network of attachment:

"Yes. That is true for most worldly householders. However, what to speak of the householders of Vraja, even your ordinary devotees in other places are superior to these renounced critics. . . .

"O Krishna! As long as people do not receive the mercy of your devotees and become your followers, they remain in this position. However, when they become your devotees, they develop attachment for bhakti and aversion to things obstructing bhakti, and then repose all their love in you. In this way, the thieves of material attraction, hatred and love become sanctified by becoming fixed in you, and then help the devotee by giving him spiritual bliss, knowledge and a host of advantages.

"In that way the same home, which was once a prison cell created by favorable and contrary karmic reactions, becomes for the devotee a place filled with service to you by hearing and chanting your glories, and by a host of other activities meant to please you. These activities carry one to your eternal abode."

Then, renouncing one's spouse and children is not a pre-requisite for following raga-marga! The stage of anisthita-bhajana (unsteady worship) at which such speculations arise is called vyUdha-vikalpA (parading possibilities) in Visvanatha Cakravarti's Madhurya-kadambini (3.10); in this section, the author goes on to present at some length the devotee's speculations on whether to renounce or to remain with the family. A very significant aspect of this section is the total absence of any conclusion on whether one ought to renounce or not – it does not seem to make any difference whatsoever to the author.

The path of bhakti is not one of acceptance and rejection; it is one of transformation. Let us remind ourselves of Rupa Gosvami's two famous verses on vairagya (BRS 1.2.255–256):

anAsaktasya viSayAn yathArham upayuJjataH |
nirbandhaH kRSNa-sambandhe yuktaM vairAgyam ucyate || 1.2.255

"Being detached from objects of enjoyment while using them in an appropriate way in relationship with Krishna is known as befitting renunciation."

The magic, then, is in forging a relationship between the world and a life of devotion, connecting the dots and making one's whole life with all it entails spiritually meaningful. On the other hand:

prApaJcikatayA buddhyA hari-sambandhi-vastunaH |
mumukSubhiH parityAgo vairAgyaM phalgu kathyate || 1.2.256

"The rejection of objects with a relationship to Hari by a seeker of mukti, who considers them worldly objects, is known as worthless renunciation."

Do not be led astray by immature renunciation, then! By doing so, you would only hamper your own devotional growth.

Narottama Das Thakur Mahasaya, a great renunciate himself, taught us the proper spirit:

gRhe vA vanete thAke, hA gaurAGga bole DAke,
narottama mAge tAra saGga ||

"Whether at home or in the forest, if one calls out, 'Ha Gauranga!' – Narottama longs for his company."

How could he have said anything less? After all, his dear companion, Srinivasa Acarya, was a father to six beautiful children: Vrindavan, Radha-Krishna, Gati-govinda, Hemalata, Krishnapriya and Kancana-latika. No less was Rasikananda, the foremost among Syamananda's disciples, who had three sons with Syamadasi – Radhananda, Krishna-Govinda and Radha-Krishna. There is no scarcity of householders with children among Mahaprabhu's companions and the following generations of illustrious Gaudiya saints and sadhakas.

In my own parampara, there is a a whole lineage of householders, and indeed over the first six generations it is specifically a vamsa, or a family lineage – and this is a trend that is present practically throughout the broad Gaudiya tradition. There is no lack of precedents in this regard.

"That's all fine in principle", says the skeptic – "But surely a householder with children can't allocate sufficient time for sadhana!"

No doubt, children will take much of one's precious time – and let us remember that time spent in raising children is also time preciously spent. One who has given his or her life to Krishna, when there is unreserved atma-samarpana – "Ha Thakur! I am yours, and yours alone!" – has effectively transformed all of life's duties from worldly to divine. This we know as Krishna's samsara – it is no longer ours.

Now, we do also need to allocate time for acts known as svarupa-siddha-bhakti, or acts that are a direct devotional engagement by their nature, such as sravana, kirtana and smarana. How do we find the time for that? We find the time by ridding ourselves of so many of our precious anarthas: Watching movies, reading worldly literature, wasting our time with countless trivial pursuits. Re-priorize your life. Whatever the quantity of time you are able to invest in direct sadhana-activities, make that time stand out. Rather than wasting three hours in half-attentive hovering about, spend half an hour or one hour in sadhana with deep focus, entirely undistracted, giving your heart and soul to it.

Visuddha-bhajana is possible anywhere, and anytime – for those willing. When amidst obstructions, our passion for bhajana grows greater and greater, and our inner force of determination is nourished; but do not think of your children as something undesired! Whatever duties Thakur has integrated into your life, take them as his gifts and tend to them as you would to your other devotional deeds.

In concluding, let us hear the apt words of Bhaktivinoda, an exemplary sadhaka and a father to ten children, from his Gitavali:

sampade vipade, bhAi, bolo hari bolo
gRhe thAko, vane thAko, bolo hari bolo
kRSNera saMsAre thAki’ bolo hari bolo

"In success and failure, O brother, chant Hari, chant!
Staying home, or staying in the forest, chant Hari, chant!
Staying in Krishna's samsara, chant Hari, chant!"

* * * * * * *

Q: Is the following verse relevant in this context?

antare niSThA kara, bAhye loka-vyavahAra |
acirAt kRSNa tomAya karibe uddhAra || CC 2.16.239

[Prabhu said:] "Maintain strong faith internally and behave
outwardly as ordinary mortals. Then very soon, Krishna will uplift you."

A: Mahaprabhu's words (CC 2.16.239), cited earlier, were spoken to Raghunatha Das in a particular situation and are out of context here. Prabhu spoke of the befitting behavior and inner attitude in a situation where the conditions are adverse. With my post, I had hoped to demonstrate that the life of a householder is not necessarily an adverse situation one must strive to be soon delivered of. The life of a householder, just as the life of a renunciate, is only as beneficial or contrary as you make it be. An escape from householder life is not an escape from worldly desires – how many times have we witnessed the temporary nature of renunciation born of adversity?

Householder life can be a great asset, if you so will. Hear Kasyapa's words to Diti from the third canto of the Bhagavata (3.14.18-21):

sarvAzramAn upAdAya svAzrameNa kalatravAn |
vyasanArNavam atyeti jala-yAnair yathArNavam || 18
yAm Ahur Atmano hy ardhaM zreyas-kAmasya mAnini |
yasyAM sva-dhuram adhyasya pumAMz carati vijvaraH || 19
yAm AzrityendriyArAtIn durjayAn itarAzramaiH |
vayaM jayema helAbhir dasyUn durga-patir yathA || 20
na vayaM prabhavas tAM tvAm anukartuM gRhezvari |
apy AyuSA vA kArtsnyena ye cAnye guNa-gRdhnavaH || 21

"With the help of all the asramas, one with a wife, in his own asrama, may cross over the perilous waves of existence just as the ocean is crossed with boats."
"O esteemed one, she is said to be a half of the man, sharing in all that is auspicious and desired; sharing his burdens, a man leads a life without distress."
"Taking shelter of her, we can easily conquer the enemies of the senses, unlike those in other asramas, just as a fort-commander drives away the invaders."
"We are unable to return the favor to you, O queen of the household, even in our entire lifetime; not even they, who appreciate such qualities, can."

Especially, if the wife and the husband are both serious sadhakas, they can do a great deal to facilitate each others' devotional lives. The burden a renunciate would have to bear alone, the two can share, taking burden off each others' shoulders and paving a smooth way for fulfilling devotional engagement.

Contrary to "classical" gender roles seen in Indian societies, the male sadhaka will never consider himself to be the master and the enjoyer of the wife's services. Rather, he is a servant just as she is. She is a maidservant of Krishna, a dasi of Radha's - and you are dasa-dasanu-das. What right do you - or I - have, then, to demand or to expect favors of others? Of course, in a naturally affectionate relationship both are seeking opportunities to help the other, to facilitate the other's immersion in bhajana - but nothing ought to be taken for granted, lest we fall into a dark well of false egoism that devours our spirit of devotion.

Now, for such a dynamic to unfold in a manner that is truly fruitful, desires for enjoying the other in a mundane way will have to be forsaken. Alas, would not the mere thought of subjecting a maidservant of Radha and Krishna to our gross, bodily desires, be audacious! With this, we shall also have to reflect on abstinence in married life. But worry not, desires can be conquered! Bhakti is a most powerful force, causing wonders in those willing to receive and embrace this divine current in their hearts!

There is no obstacle too great for the sovereign goddess of bhakti to be conquered, for she is only nourished, defeating and subjugating each and every adversary – and there is truly no rival for her power in the three worlds. Let us seek a connection that taps us to the source of this divine force, and let us be committed with sincerity in sustaining this precious link – for having attained that, the great and the inaccessible shall be within an arm's length, and no attainment in the spiritual domain shall be beyond our reach.

Q&A: Devotion and renunciation: The role of vairagya in cultivating bhakti

The following are a series of questions and answers I compiled during 2005-2006, originally posted at Vilasa Kunja forums.

Q: What is the relationship between renunciation and bhakti in Gaudiya Vaishnavism? On one hand, it is said that renunciation is not a cause of devotion and that excessive renunciation makes the heart hard, and on the other hand we can read of how the Goswamis of Vraja were very renounced, and how Mahaprabhu was pleased with their renunciation.

A: It is known that renunciation is not a method for developing devotion, bhaktyA saJjAtayA bhaktyA (bhp 11.3.31) – “Devotion is born of devotion.” Regardless, following all the activities that have been prescribed for the path of sadhana calls for substantial sacrifice of comfort and renunciation from the mundane. How is this reconciled, what is the relationship between bhakti and vairagya?

Renunciation involved in devotional cultivation is of a nature different from worldly vairagya: One of the first aspects of devotion one is to embrace is kRSNArthe bhogAdi-tyAga (brs 1.2.104), forsaking enjoyments and the rest for Krishna’s sake. This is the spirit of zaraNAgati, surrender: AnukUlyasya saGkalpaH pratikUlya-vivarjanam (hbv 11.676) – “Firmly embracing the favorable, shunning all that is contrary.” Whenever a decision is called for, one should forsake one’s own interest and act in the interest of Krishna.

What, then, is the advantage of such renunciation? In the words of Sri Kapiladeva:

jJAna-vairAgya-yuktena bhakti-yuktena cAtmanA |
paripazyaty udAsInaM prakRtiM ca hataujasam || bhp 3.25.18

“Equipped with knowledge and renunication, as the atma is connected in devotion, one observes with indifference and the power of prakriti is destroyed.”

Therefore, in the opening verse of Sri Upadesamrita, Srila Rupa Goswami calls for the practicing devotees to become dhIra, self-controlled, rising above the worldly urges that perpetually distract us from bhajana. Radha Ramana Goswami notes that one attains the desired goal by vega-sahanopayogena saMvRddhayA bhaktyA, “Devotion that has been fortified by the means of self-control.”

In discussing the sadhaka’s unavoidable relationship to a world of sense-objects, Srila Rupa Goswami has described two approaches to renunciation (BRS 1.2.255-256):

anAsaktasya viSayAn yathArham upayuJjataH |
nirbandhaH kRSNa-sambandhe yuktaM vairAgyam ucyate ||
prApaJcikatayA buddhyA hari-sambandhi-vastunaH |
mumukSubhiH parityAgo vairAgyaM phalgu kathyate ||

“Detached from sense-objects, applying them according to their due merit, engaging them in connection with Krishna; This is called befitting renunciation.”
“Considering as worldly the items connected with Hari, the one desirous of salvation rejects them; this is called worthless renunciation.”

In this matter, one should proceed with great caution and assess his motivations in employing sense-objects. The fact that something could be employed in connection with Krishna does not necessarily mean that it should be thus employed. One must therefore determine whether such employment would run in the spirit of AnukUlyasya saGkalpaH, accepting the favorable, for this is the spirit of uttama-bhakti: AnukUlyena kRSNAnu-zIlanaM bhaktir uttamA (BRS 1.1.11). Such engagement must be devoid of selfish motivations, anyAbhilASitA-zUnya.

From where does devotional renunciation arise, then? It arises from anurAga, from a deep passion burning within the heart of the sadhaka that calls him to take any and all measures needed for the sake of fulfilling his devotional aspirations. Srila Raghunath Das Goswami, our foremost role-model in this matter, described this mode of practice as vairAgya-yug-bhakti-rasa-prayatna (vk 6), “Efforts enlaced with renunciation and bhakti-rasa.” Describing his ways of devotional practice, Krishnadas Kaviraja writes (CC 1.10.98-102):

anna-jala tyAga kaila anya-kathana |
pala dui-tina mAThA karena bhakSaNa ||
sahasra daNDavat kare, laya lakSa nAma |
dui sahasra vaiSNavere nitya paraNAma ||
rAtri-dine rAdhA-kRSNera mAnasa sevana |
prahareka mahAprabhura caritra-kathana ||
sArdha sapta-prahara kare bhaktira sAdhane |
cAri daNDa nidrA, seha nahe kona-dine ||
tAGhAra sAdhana-rIti zunite camatkAra |
sei rUpa-raghunAtha prabhu ye AmAra ||

“Rejecting eating and drinking, as well as talks on other topics, he took but a few drops of buttermilk. A thousand dandavats he offered, and chanted a lakh of names; Daily, he bowed to two thousand Vaishnavas. Day and night, he served Radha and Krishna in his mind, and discussed Mahaprabhu’s pastimes for one prahar. For seven and half praharas, he engaged in bhakti-sadhana, sleeping for four dandas, and at times not even that. Hearing of the ways of his sadhana, one is astonished; these two, Rupa and Raghunath, are my masters.”

Through such passion for bhajana, and the absolute rejection of the mundane it entails, Sriman Mahaprabhu is pleased:

mahAprabhura bhakta-gaNera vairAgya pradhAna |
yAhA dekhi’ prIta hana gaura-bhagavAn || cc 3.6.220

“Among Mahaprabhu’s devotees, vairagya prevails;
Seeing it, Gaura Bhagavan becomes satisfied.”

Seeing the exemplary renunciation in the character of Raghunath Das, Mahaprabhu’s joy knew no bounds. May all the sadhakas following Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu seek to embrace such a spirit of devotional renunciation!

UP 1 - Introduction - The proper application of renunciation with bhakti

The opening verse of the text, and the main object of this study, reads as follows:

vAco vegaM manasaH krodha-vegaM
jihvA-vegam udaropastha-vegam |
etAn vegAn yo viSaheta dhIraH
sarvAm apImAM pRthivIM sa ziSyAt || 1 ||

“The urge of the speech, the urges of the mind and the anger,
the urge of the tongue, the urges of the belly and the genitals –
he who withstands these urges is sober;
The whole world is his student indeed.”

Our study of Upadeshamrita will contain many instructions on activities that should be avoided, as well as on practices that are obligatory. The negative undertakings, are they not a form of renunciation, and is it not said that renunciation does not bring about devotion? Moreover, is it not said that renunciation hardens the heart?

In pondering the matter, let us turn to Bhakti-rasamrita-sindhu and the first ten of the 64 aspects of bhakti, the ten that should be priorized on in the beginning. Among them, we find bhogAdi-tyAgaH kRSNasya hetave - "Giving up enjoyments and so forth for the sake of Krishna." We renounce as a matter of love. We leave aside acts our beloved Thakur would not want us to engage in. Is that not devotion? Yes, it is! And indeed, is there devotion if this attitude isn't there? No, there truly isn't!

Renunciation as a separate undertaking is not an aspect of bhakti, though it may come in handy (BRS 1.2.248) at the early steps of the path, in entering devotional practices; a renounced person is generally less distracted and has more time at his disposal. The renunciation advocated in Srila Goswamipad's work, however, is not renunciation as a separate undertaking. The aspects of renunciation recommended are mentioned as a matter of direct cultivation of bhajana, as a matter of clearing aside obstacles from the desired devotional practices.

One should be willing to make sacrifices for the sake of devotional progress. With this thought in our hearts, we'll embark on this study of Sri Upadeshamrita.

- How does one relate to sense objects while acting according to yukta-vairagya?

Rupa Goswamipad has defined yukta-vairagya as follows:

anAsaktasya viSayAn yathArham upayuJjataH |
nirbandhaH kRSNa-sambandhe yuktaM vairAgyam ucyate || brs 1.2.255

"Devoid of attachment to sense-objects, engaging them in a manner related to Krishna -- this is called befitting renunciation."

One should therefore measure the worth of objects in terms of their relationship with bhagavat-seva. If they are unsuitable, they are to be renounced. If they are suitable, they may be accepted. That does not, however, mean that everything that in theory could be used for Krishna should be embraced! One should only accept as much as is required for the sustenance of the body and other such necessities. One should beware taraGga-raGgiNI, or "enjoying the waves" of bhakti's byproducts, thereby getting entangled with selfish enjoyments in the name of service for Krishna.

The sense-objects neither repulse nor attract the devotee. This is the meaning of "unattached". Attraction and repulsion are both symptoms of the presence of a selfish relationship.

- What could we sacrifice in the spirit of devotional renunciation to please Sri Krishna and progress in bhakti?

The spirit of saranagati calls us, AnukUlyasya saGkalpaH prAtikUlya-vivarjanam (HBV 11.676) - "To embrace the favorable, to shun the contrary." Whatever aspects of our lives run contrary to a life of devotion deserve to be re-molded. Some aspects are fit to be changed in an instant, some aspects need work over a period of time. All of that is to be embraced, all of that falls under proper devotional renunciation.

- What are examples of objects used for REAL yukta-vairagya?

- Wearing a cloth to cover the mid-part of your body.
- Keeping a pot and some firewood for cooking to your deity, taking his remnants for sustenance.
- Seeking shelter in extreme weather conditions to keep the body fit for bhajan.

Beyond that, it's all individual. In my case, having electricity and keeping a laptop to keep up with the study group and the rest is yukta-vairagya. For someone else, having a laptop may be an unnecessary diversion. For my wife, having a heater here at mid-winter is yukta-vairagya, as without it she would fall sick immediately. Since my body does not call for one, for me to insist on having one would be outside the scope of yukta-vairagya.

The question one needs to be asking is, "Does this improve the quality of my seva?" If it doesn't, chances are it's unnecessary and worth giving up.

- Which aspects of renunciation may prove to be useful at the early steps of the path of bhakti?

Certain aspects of renunciation, such as those noted in verses 1 to 3 of the work, are beneficial for devotion, as they ease the mind's absorption in devotional works and thoughts. Some nsoteworthy aspects:

1. Renunciation from excessive talk (vac-vega) and idle talks (prajalpa).

2. Control of the mind (manasa-vega), withdrawing the senses from the world, abstaining from anger (krodha-vega).

3. Regulated eating (jihvA-vega, udara-vega), avoiding of excessive eating (atyAhAra).

4. Abstaining from sex (upastha-vega) and the company of people longing for it (jana-saGga), as well as from other unholy company.

5. Withdrawing from excessive endeavors in the mundane realm (prayAsa).

6. Fortitude (dhairya) in following principles (niyamAgraha) and engaging in appropriate activity (tat-tat-karma-pravartana).

7. Not pursuing worldly interests (laulya).

8. Enthusiasm (utsaha) in faithfully (nizcaya) pursuing other-worldly attainments.

9. Maintaining a purity of conduct (sad-vRtti).

All of the above are very helpful, when applied in the context of devotional practices.

- Which aspects of renunciation are contrary to bhakti, and why?

As a matter of general principle, renouncing that which ought to be duly employed in the worship and service of Hari is contrary to bhakti. Some examples:

1. Renouncing company altogether, thereby missing the opportunity for devotional company (sAdhu-saGga).

2. Believing that all exchanges of love in this world are worldly, behaving in the company of devotees in an utilitarian manner without developing attachment for them. (See verse 4, loving exchanges with devotees.)

3. Regarding the passion for devotion (anurAga) present in various degrees in both the advanced sadhakas and the nitya-siddha Vrajavasis as an unwelcome disturbance in one's mental equilibrium, and therefore unreal.

4. Avoiding responsibility for varieties of services (sevA) for the pleasure of Guru, Vaishnavas and Krishna, regarding it as an unwelcome entanglement.

5. Disregarding external worship (arcana) and the collection and maintenance of related paraphernalia to avoid entanglement with the world.

6. A dislike for musical and artistic expression, failure to see them as sound mediums of devotional expression, and indeed as integral aspects of devotion both in this world and beyond.

In this way, there are countless ways of false renunciation, renunciation that misses the point of service and deprives one from the good fortune of devotional engagement.