Q&A: Celibacy and married life: What do the acharyas teach of the need for celibacy?

Q: What are the teachings of the acharyas concerning celibacy and married life? What if one is unable to follow the highest standard, or the standard described in the scriptures?

A:  The accepted form of sexual indulgement that does runs in accordance with the principles of dharma, and hence with the practice of bhakti-sadhana, has been described as bodily union taking place for the sake of generating progeny with one's duly wedded partner. With these notes, we'll focus on reviewing the evidences in the writings of the acharyas on this often-debated matter. The practices for becoming free of sexual desire will be discussed in a separate entry.

In the first verse of his Upadeshamrita, we read Sri Rupa Goswami listing upastha-vega, or the urges of the genitals, as one of the urges that need to be conquered over. Commenting on the verse, Sri Radha-Raman Das Goswami notes, tena ca tat-tad-vega-sahanasya bhakti-pravezopayogitvam eva na tu sAdhanatvam - "By forbearing all these urges, mere entrance to bhakti is gained; it is not a sadhana-practice." Hence, in entering into the world of suddha-bhakti, the control of sexual desire is called for.

As one in his list of definitions of what a Vaishnava is, Sri Jiva Goswami cites Skanda Purana and the instructions of Markandeya to Bhagiratha:

yathA skAnde mArkaNDeya-bhagIratha-saMvAde -
dharmArthaM jIvitaM yeSAM santAnArthaM ca maithunam |
pacanaM vipramukhyArthaM jJeyAs te vaiSNavA narAH ||

atra zrI-viSNor AjJA-buddhyaiva tat tat kriyata iti vaiSNava-padena gamyate || bhs 202

"Those people for whom the purpose of life is religion, for whom the purpose of sexual intercourse are children, and for whom the purpose of cooking is to serve the brahmins, they are Vaishnavas."
Thus those, who act in awareness of the orders of Vishnu, are understood as Vaishnavas.

The essence of the thought here is that a Vaishnava would not do something that wouldn't be pleasing to Vishnu, and since sexual intercourse without a purpose beyond enjoyment isn't something that can be offered, a Vaishnava would not engage in it. Then, the Bhagavata repeats the concept in three locations, describing the suitable period for sexual union:

gRhasthasya Rtu-gAminaH || bhp 7.12.11

"The householder should have sexual intercourse only in the fertile season."

gRhasthasyApy Rtau gantuH || bhp 11.18.43

"However [though brahmacharya was described], the householder may approach his wife for intercourse in the fertile season."

evaM vyavAyaH prajayA na ratyA
imaM vizuddhaM na viduH sva-dharmam || bhp 11.5.13

"In the same way [as with other injunctions giving room for sensual indulgence], sexual intercourse should not be for the sake of lust, but for the sake of progeny. Regardless, people do not understand such pure sva-dharmas."

Thus the pure sva-dharma, or the religious duty of the householder, has been defined.

Is there a spiritual application for sexuality, can we not employ our sex desire in the service of Krishna? The famous verse of Bhagavad-gita (7.11) addresses the matter:

dharmAviruddho bhUteSu kAmo’smi bharatarSabha || bg 7.11

"I am that lust, O greatest of the Bharatas, that is not contrary to dharma."

On this passage, there are varieties of commentaries. We embrace the words of our own purva-acharyas as the ones we are to follow. The commentaries read as follows:

zrIdharaH -- dharmeNAviruddhaH sva-dAreSu putrotpAdana-mAtropayogI kAmo’ham iti ||
vizvanAthaH -- dharmAviruddhaH sva-bhAryAyAM putrotpatti-mAtropayogI ||
baladevaH -- dharmAviruddhaH svapatnyAM putrotpatti-mAtra-hetuH ||

Sridhara: "I am the lust that is not contrary to dharma and of which the sole purpose is the bestowal of progeny for one's wife."
Vishvanath: "Not contrary to dharma means in such a way that the birth of progeny from one's wife is the sole aim."
Baladeva: "Not contrary to dharma means for the sole cause of the birth of progeny from one's wife."

Hence, begetting children that are educated in the principles of good, religious life is the desired application of sex desire. Hari-bhakti-vilasa, citing Padma-purana (5.9.44-47), praises this as the equivalent of brahmacharya:

Rtu-kAlAbhigAmI yaH sva-dAra-nirataz ca yaH |
sarvadA brahmacArIha vijJeyaH sa gRhAzramI || 11.156
...
iti matvA sva-dAreSu Rtumatsu budho vrajet |
yathokta-doSa-hIneSu sakAmeSv anRtAv api || 11.173

"The householder who approaches his devoted wife for intercourse in the period suitable for fertilization is known to always be a brahmachari."
"Thus, the intelligent person will approach his wife in the fertile period. That is said to be free of faults even if done to satisfy one's desires."

Going beyond the realm of sva-dharma into the realm of sadhana, there are further considerations. In Sadhana-dipika of Radha-Krishna Das Goswami, an early mahatma of Vrindavan, specific characteristics for eligibility for rAgAnugA-bhakti are outlined:

vizeSato rAgAnugAdhikAri-lakSaNaM darzayati (brs 1.4.7) --

na patiM kAmayet kaJcid brahmacarya-sthitA sadA |
tam-eva mUrtiM dhyAyantI candrakantir-varAnanA ||

The specific characteristics of the one who is eligible for rAgAnugA are given as follows (BRS 1.4.7):

"The beautiful-faced Chandrakanti did not desire a husband and always remained fixed in celibacy, meditating on Krishna's form."

Some have objected to this passage, suggesting that the citation is out of place since it is taken from the fourth chapter of the first division of Bhakti-rasamrita-sindhu discussing the topic of prema, and that therefore brahmacharya would be for those on the stage of prema, not on the stage of sAdhana. However, Rupa Goswami presents Chandrakanti as someone who attained prema originating from bhAva due to rAgAnugA-bhakti (rAgAnugIya-bhAvottho yathA...), and the fact that she remained celibate all the time must mean she practiced brahmacharya also during the stage of sAdhana.

Radha-Krishna Das Goswami continues under the same heading:

smaraNaM kIrtanaM keliH prekSaNaM guhya-bhASaNam |
saGkalpo’dhyavasAyaz ca kriyA-nirvRtir eva ca ||
etan-maithunam aSTAGgaM pravadanti manISiNaH |
viparItaM brahmacaryam etad evASTa-lakSaNam || ity Adi || (vairAgya-martAnda 12.144-145)

"Thinking of sex, praising sex, engaging in amorous acts, looking at sex, speaking of it in confidence, making a decision to do it, to pursue it and to engage in its activities -- these are the eight aspects of copulation determined by the wise. Those engaged in brahmacharya should abstain from these eight aspects."

This brings us back to reflect on the power of sexual indulgence in its varieties forms to condition the consciousness into the confines of a material identity. Pursuit for the other-worldly identity is at the core of rAgAnugA-bhakti-sAdhana, and a sincere sAdhaka should endeavor to leave behind activities contrary to such cultivation.

All the aforenoted evidences should leave little room for interpretation over the ideal standard for a bhakti-sAdhaka. "However," someone may ask, "did the acharyas really understand our situation in this material world?" Yes, they certainly did; moreover, they had great confidence in the power of devotional practice when properly applied. Brahmacharya and other such virtues of restraint arise naturally in one who has turned his attention towards Krishna:

kRSNonmukhaM svayaM yAnti yamAH zaucAdayas tathA || brs 1.2.261

"Various restraints [among which Jiva glosses brahmacharya], purity and so forth arise of their own accord in the one who has turned his attention towards Krishna."

Hence, the virtue of celibacy will undoubtedly arise of its own accord in the one who is sincerely engaged in the practice of bhakti-sAdhana, even without separate endeavors!

Should one have lapses in his observances of the desired standard of abstinence, the following words of consolation are offered in the Bhagavata:

jAta-zraddho mat-kathAsu nirviNNaH sarva-karmasu |
veda duHkhAtmakAn kAmAn parityAge ’py anIzvaraH ||
tato bhajeta mAM prItaH zraddhAlur dRDha-nizcayaH |
juSamANaz ca tAn kAmAn duHkhodarkAMz ca garhayan || bhp 11.20.27-28

"He, whose faith for narrations of me has awakened, and who is disgusted with all works,
knowing all varieties of kAma as imbued with grief, is still unable to renounce them;
He should worship me, engaged with love, with faith and with firm conviction,
Reproaching the desires that lead to misery."

With such a meek and resolute approach, the grace of Bhagavan and Vaishnavas is quickly invoked, the obstacles on the path of devotion are swept aside, and the worshipable form of the Lord is firmly situated within the inner chambers of his heart. However, the one who philosophizes on the myriads of possible so-called spiritual applications of sexuality with a keen inclination for indulgement, will not attain para-bhakti in a hundred births without renouncing the intellect binding him to the material world. We read in the Gita:

yaH zAstra-vidhim utsRjya vartate kAma-kArataH |
na sa siddhim avApnoti na sukhaM na parAM gatim || bg 16.23

"He, who discards the precepts of the scripture, led to acts by kAma,
He will not attain siddhi, nor joy, nor the supreme destination."

Baladeva notes, sa siddhiM pumarthopAya-bhUtAM hRd-vizuddhiM naivApnoti - "He will certainly not attain that siddhi, the attainment of the means for the aims of human life, the fresh purity of the heart." Let us therefore, in all earnestness and enthusiasm, seek to embrace the desired standard of abstinence, knowing it is instrumental in attaining successive stages of devotional progress.